eighteen years

On December 9th, 2017 I turned eighteen years old. A date about which I had some strange feelings. All around me a lot of people were really hyped about their eighteenth birthday. Friends who never went out to party suddenly became the kings and queens of clubs and even the ones who never had the slightest bit of alcohol planned on getting drunk, having the time of their lives, a night to remember, etc etc etc. I was freaked out to the point I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday. While my friends were planning their ‚special‘ night of joining adulthood almost half a year in advance, I kept putting everyone off by saying I didn’t know yet or it was supposed to be a secret. Actually, I didn’t plan on doing anything aside from being in my room at home shedding a few tears. But it wasn’t only that. I was afraid of turning eighteen, because from eighteen on, one is officially an adult, where I live, and I did not [and still don’t] feel as if I am prepared to be accepted as that, and yes, I am indeed trying to come to a point, so this is for all those out there who felt and feel the same way.

what follows is a mixture of random shots of the days around my eighteenth birthday and some of my favorite quotes of the book ‘eighteen years’ by Madisen Kuhn, which accompanied me on the journey of realizing and accepting that nothing is going to change and that that’s okay. Basically it’s a mix of a lifestyle blog & a book review. Hoping it’ll turn out as enjoyable content.



i feel trapped inside of my feverish skin

and i wish i could escape it,

because i don’t want to be myself today


i don’t know why i’m so different,

why i feel so lonely and tired of living

yesterday, i was so happy and hopeful,

inspired and alive

i lit candles and sang along to the radio

and grinned and felt completely intact

but today, i’m in pieces

i feel hollow and meaningless

i don’t get why my feelings change so quickly

it’s like once i’ve wrapped my arms

around them, the wind picks them up

and carries them away, leaving me

with a heart full of unfamiliar emotions

i don’t understand

i just wish

i could figure myself out


Madisen Kuhn, birthday eve



one of the poems that spoke to me, really putting those emotions into words. Since my family knew how I was feeling, on the night before my birthday my mom took me out to the movies. Full program. Smuggling fast food inside the theater, big box of fresh popcorn. The rest of the night I spent decorating and cleaning. I rang in my birthday alone at midnight by taking a bath before I went to bed.




After sleeping in just a little and spending some time with my family I then headed out to the city, just like I had planned. I just knew I had to go for a walk through the streets of Berlin on my birthday, because that’s what I have been immensely enjoying the past year. On the way to the city I started reading ‘eighteen years’. Some of the pieces that really spoke to me will follow [I had tears in my eyes while reading all of them]…


who are you,


you are not a name

or a height or a weight

or a gender,

you are not an age

and you are not

where you are from

you are your favorite books

and the songs stuck in your head,

you are your thoughts

and what you eat for breakfast

on saturday mornings

you are a thousand things,

but everyone chooses

to see the million things

you are not

you are not

where you are from

you are

where you’re going

and i’d like

to go there


Madisen Kuhn, who are you, really?


she buried her face in books

so no one could see

the emptiness of her eyes


she filled her mind

with fictional fantasies

and hoped that one day

they would become real


but because her head

was always stuck in a book

she never got the chance

to have adventures of her own

Madisen Kuhn, cover to cover


i think the world

would be a nicer place

if we stopped pretending

we knew everything

about everyone

Madisen Kuhn, truth


every individual

is son intricate,

yet we rush to peg them,

to label them,

to tell them who they are


the more i meet people

and flip them inside out

to run my fingers along

the cracks of their beating heart,

the more i realize that

no one really is


Madisen Kuhn, depth


In the hours following that train ride I met two of my best friends, went to a photo booth to turn memories into paperweight,

got Starbucks to pay for my venti iced coffee, because that’s how nice they are when it’s your birthday and you have a Starbucks card [everyone was really cute, i’m being honest, they wrote ‘happy birthday anna’ on my cup with flowers and hearts and all of that, i guess], laughed a lot, met my cousin, had serious, but very good conversations while wandering the city and crashed at Coffee Fellows to flee the cold. The remaining hours of my birthday I spent at home with my family again. Pizza and Grand Hotel [one of my favorite series] were included.

The following morning, a Sunday, my family and I went out for a post-birthday brunch at Coffee Fellows, which meant bagels, warm beverages and time well spent. Took a short walk around the near-by christmas market with my cousin and sister afterwards. Then I went home. Trouble was over and I had spent almost three full days trying to keep everything as it was with an almost feverish effort, spending energy I could have easily saved, because after all, everything that has changed since is the second digit of a simple number in my info box on social media. nothing has changed and that’s fine. I hate changes anyways.

Before I end this somewhat very personal, yet probably boring piece of writing, I have a few more words on ‘eighteen years’  by Madisen Kuhn and one more poem. Something to remember, a message, to those of you reading this, a sort of reminder…

Madisen, your book got through to me in so many ways. At a time that I felt troubled it had the words I needed to hear to be able to calm down. ‘eighteen years’ is the most honest, most real and most beautiful collection of poetry I have yet read. In the past year poetry has become the tongue of my soul, the safe heaven I can always come to. Before your book I would have never dared to believe that there is poetry out there that puts my deepest thoughts into proper words. You did. I found myself with tears in my eyes, heart hurting. You literally speak the same tongue my heart speaks. In a world of so many I feel I have found the one person who is able to translate my soul into words, the one person to be the interpreter to fill the gap between me and the rest of the world. I thank you from the deepest depths of my heart.

To everyone reading this, ‘eighteen years’ is “[The] book [which] is meant to be bent and worn, written in, tear-stained, and loved. This book is for you.” to put it in Madison’s own words. ‘eighteen years’ is the book of first and following loves, of life and coming of age, but to be downright honest, there is no way to do this book any justice listing a few of it’s topics like this. If you want to know what it’s like then there’s no way around just reading it, experiencing it with every cell of your body. To do so, clicking here marks step one [no worries, it’s the link to get your own copy]. Now all that is left to say, is this…


Don’t forget to get away every once in awhile,

To lose yourself in a book

Or in the woods behind your home

Ride your bike into the sunset,

Sit on your front steps and count the cars passing by,

Lay on your roof and gaze up at the night sky,

Drive along backroads with the windows rolled down

Listening to nothing but the sound of rushing wind

I hope you take the time to be alone,

To sort through the cluttered shelves of your heart

I hope you take the time to be silent,

To close your eyes and just listen

I hope you take the time to be still,

To quiet your mind and experience the beauty

Of simply Being

Madisen Kuhn, breathe


Zucchini crust pizza

Bringing to you another much requested recipe I shared on my social media. Enjoy [I sure did]!



300g          zucchini

an              egg

150g          grated mozzarella

50g            grated Parmesan

5 tbsp        tomato sauce

pinch         of salt, pepper



 First, grate and press out the zucchini. Then add some salt and let it rest for 10 minutes.

After that add the egg, 50g of mozzarella and 50g of Parmesan. ‘Roll’ out the ‘dough’ that results from the combination or to put it more realistic, you will rather end up spreading the mixture into a thin round shape directly on a baking tray.

Then bake it for 20 minutes at 220 degrees celsius.

After 20 minutes turn over the dough and then add the toppings of your choice.

Lastly, bake for another 15 minutes.

aaand you’re done! All easy and fast. Enjoy your pizza, no matter if all by yourself or together with family and friends!

yours, anna xx

the cinnamon bun

Welcome back to this small row of blogs I started back in April this year. After many comments and questions on my cinnamon buns, I am bringing back ‘anna’s simplicity bakery’ to reveal my bun receipt as a sort of beginning-of-autumn-celebration-gift from me to you. Enjoy the fall-ish sweetness.

Ingredients (modifiable):

for the dough…

500g                          of all purpose flour

1 package                of dry yeast

80g                            of sugar

80g                            of butter

one                            pinch of salt

250ml                       of milk


…and for the filling

60g                            of sugar

50g                            of butter

1 package                 of vanilla sugar

1 tbsp                        of cinnamon



First, add together all the dry ingredients for the dough, meaning the flour, yeast, sugar and salt.

Then heat the butter and milk together in a small pot until the butter is fully melted and add it to the dry ingredients while it’s still warm. Knead the mixture until it gets a thick, smooth, non-sticky texture. Leave it in the bowl for another 30 min for the yeast to unfold.

While the dough is resting, preheat the oven to 356F and prepare the filling.

Melt the butter and combine it with both of the sugars and the cinnamon.

When thirty minutes have passed, roll out the dough and spread the filling on it. Roll the dough and cut it into thumb-thick slices. Put these slices on a baking tray and into the preheated oven. Bake them for 20-25 minutes.

Besprinkle them with some frosting or powdered sugar as soon they’re cooled if you want to.

There you go! The comfiness of fall turned into a single pastry. Note that these stay ‘good’ for several days (no eggs) and taste as if they came right out of the oven if you microwave them for a few seconds. And as usually- I dare you to try this out and share your creations with me via social media. Ideas for receipt improvements are welcome! I’m pumped for your opinions!

yours, anna xx

de Paris.

Bonjour, mes amis. Je ne sais pas si tu sais, mais j’aime français, privilégié la ville de Paris. I know, I know, I’m getting back to english now, but since I have recently been to Paris for the fifths time and it it starting to feel a tiny bit like a second home, I thought I’d tell you a bit about my love for the city d’amour and throw in some shots I took throughout my time there while I’m at it. Before we get started, if you are from Paris or France, I do not mean to offend in any way. Things as the typical clothing style surely do not mesh with everyone and I know that.



Let’s talk about the Parisian clothing style first. As you might know, I am obsessed with the simplicity and at the same time elegancy of the Parisian clothing style. I like the thought of putting on red lipstick and pulling up ones hair only to go out to pick up breakfast (though I’d probably never be brave enough to actually do that, but if it’d be part of the simple life, maybe I would…?). Beside the hair styles and make-up I can most identify with the clothes itself. There aren’t many colors when referring to a Parisian outfit. There is black and white, sometimes red in accessories, as a nail polish or lipstick, and then sometimes there is this light shade of brown and that’s it. Black and white stripes play a big role in french fashion, just as coats, turtle neck sweaters, blouses and very feminine shoes. The accessories are kept simple, just as the colors and clothes itself. There might be small earrings such as pearls and surely perfume. And while at it- Have you ever seen a Parisian woman walk around carrying a bag pack? No, you have not of course. It is common to have all important things in a small handbag. All in all the Parisian clothing style is kept very simple with little highlights, but mostly very expensive as the clothes usually is of well-known brands.




To get on to the food. Everyone knows Paris for their good and mostly exquisite kitchen. While there are quite many specialities, I find myself drawn to french pastries and bread. This sounds very boring indeed, but Paris is the best place to get a Baguette. A long bread, you think? Far more than that. Bakeries all around the city sell fresh Baguettes with almost anything you can imagine. Chicken, salad, turkey, tomatoes, mozzarella and so on and on, and you cannot imagine how good a lunch this makes. Every time I have yet been to Paris, I mostly ate bread, for like the whole week and it does not even get boring, I swear. Another french treat I love are croissants. I can never get enough of them. I mean, you can have them all around the world mostly, but a croissant in Paris? Even the thought makes it taste a hundred times better. Surely I have to talk about Crêpes as well. As a kid who grew up eating mostly nothing but Crêpes when- and wherever I could, eating this in Paris is a match made in heaven. Just like croissants they taste better than anywhere else and are can be ordered in what feels like a hundred variations, sweet and salty and can be bought every 200 meters. Not to forget Paris special and exquisite treat the Macaron. It is a sweet treat that comes in different colors and flavors. The price of it is pretty shockingly expensive but if you ever get to Paris just treat yourself to a few and enjoy.

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Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

The following paragraph will refer to the experience I have made according to the people and language in Paris. The times I have been there I have made good and bad experiences alike. With my family, when I have been to Paris the first few times, people on the street weren’t willing to help to help us find a certain Metro station for example, acting as if they could not understand us in neither English nor simple French. The last two times, this had changed. I have had people just suddenly starting to talk to me, asking me if I need help or where I am from, being interested in who visits their city. Referring to the language I would definitely recommend you to have some french vocabulary at hand when going to Paris. Just look up some words or phrases you think could be helpful in advance. If you want me to I can even send you a vocab list with useful stuff I made for my class for my most recent trip to Paris. Don’t be afraid to ask!


Lastly I have a few tips for you on places you should visit (places I like best). The top tip from me, which I keep taking about is that if you want to see Paris from above, then you should not go up the Eiffel Tower (which is a fun thing if you go up by stairs, don’t get me wrong). In my opinion you have the best view on Paris from the Arc de Triomphe, because from there you get to see the Eiffel Tower and believe me, it is simply so beautiful. You will not regret it! A must-visit tip is for all my bookworms is Shakespeare and Company near Notre Dame. It is a heaven for all people who love books, even to those who do not. Many books have been written about it and throughout the many years it has already existed many incredible people have been there (such as Allen Ginsberg!!!). Juts give it a chance and thank me later. The area all around the bookstore in general is my favorite to be around in Paris, because it unites a lot of lovely thing. In many little streets there you can get all kinds of different foods, there a little parcs to rest with benches and small stores and great places to get souvenirs for an acceptable amount of money. So if you only have a day in Paris, spend you time all around Notre Dame and check out the view from the Arc de Triomphe and you’ll be all set! So this is a big yes to the Paris! By the way, you are free to send me question referring to a trip to Paris any time and I will try to answer them as best as I can.





La La Land, a movie discussion

…and yet another thing to welcome to the blog… movie discussions. This long-term blog series will share my thoughts on some of the movies I come by, starting with La La Land, which I have recently watched a lot and wanted to share my opinion on with you. Please note that from a certain point on, this blog will contain spoilers (which I will surely point out again when I get there) and you should not continue reading if you haven’t yet watched the film.


La La Land is a movie with a very new and special concept, in my opinion and can therefore not really be compared to other films hitting the theaters these days. Looking at it from a greater distance though, you are likely to enjoy this if you grew up watching Mamma Mia (like me) or, looking from an even greater distance, High School Musical, though as I said already, it’s not really comparable, but it is definitely much more like a musical, rather than a movie. So the first thing you should pull into consideration is if you think or know that this could be your cup of tea. If you can answer that with a yes, you are a step closer to a new favorite film of yours.

That brings us right to the music, the soundtrack of the film, which is one of the best I have listened to in a long time. As one of the topics that is dealt with is Jazz the score has some quite jazzy tunes, which I found myself falling in love with very quickly, as I enjoy almost anything vintage and find myself often dancing to older music, rather than what is in the charts these days. Beneath the incredible songs the sounds are very well made as well. Watching the film you will be able to realize that right in the beginning, as the camera is rolling by some cars waiting in line and the people in them listening to different kinds of music, so that it grows louder approaching them and quiter while rolling away.

Which brings us right to the camera work. The camera work is very stage like, if I can put it like that. We have spot ons and offs, just like on stage. But since the film is very much like a musical, this is more than just fitting. In case, I even think, that this was supposed to underline Mia’s role in the film. Since she is an (aspiring) actress, the movie, which she is a big part of, adopts that from her, just like it does with the Jazz music, which is Seb’s speciality as a(n) (aspiring) musician.

To get right to the actors and their acting. I found myself drawn to Ryan Gosling playing Sebastian a lot faster than Emma Stone as Mia. Mostly I think that this is, because it felt like Emma was putting a little too much effort in being Mia. To me it seemed like she was acting a little too much, being a bit too loud or quite, a little too embarrassed, a little too-much-everything. On another side I think, that this is less Emma’s doing and more the directors and I partly do understand, that this might just be part of Mia’s special character. Anyways, I enjoyed Ryan’s acting just a little bit more, but that is probably just because I could slightly relate to Seb more than I could to Mia.

I know that all this does not seem to have a proper concept to you, but it is now time to get to the story of the film. Seeing the trailer a couple of times before I watched the film, I expected a lot more story to this than there was at first sight. When I first watched it, I actually found myself almost unable to find a real one, with a beginning and an end and that whole part in the middle, but with each time I rewatch it, there seems to be more to the story it tells. It is obvious that this is a story about a young woman and a young man, with a dream, which they are struggling to reach. The movie starts with their ways crossing accidentally several times until they begin to actually sense the others presence and things go differently than expected…

(attention. please do not keep reading if you do not want to be spoilt, because in the following I will discuss further events and the ending of the film. thank you.)


Mia and Seb spend some very happy months together, pushing each other to conquer their dreams, until Seb accepts a job offer he thinks Mia wants him to take seriously and things go down. While Seb is starting to adjust to his new job, that is in case not his dream, Mia works to live hers. Both fail and leave each other broken and done with what they once wanted. Until one day Seb again pushed Mia to go on, to live her dream, and has success. It is only then that their ways truly part. What I feel is kind of an epilogue picks up quite a few years later, with Mia having a husband that is not Seb and a child and being a successful actress and Seb finally having made his dream of an own Jazz Club come true, which Mia discovers accidentally with her husband one night. When Sebastian spots her in the crowd, he starts playing their tune and Mia finds her self thinking of an alternate ending for both of them together, imagining what it would have been like if everything would have turned out perfectly for them.

Watching the ending for the first time I was very confused and really disappointed, to be honest. I never imagined them both not ending up with one another, but having watched it a few more times, I think this ending is so much more meaningful than the other one would have been. It shows, that unlike in some other movies, life is not perfect and does not always turn out as wanted and that sometimes, no most times actually, you have to give up things, let go of things you love to reach what you dream of. It also shows, that you cannot reach your dreams all alone. That all on your own, you often loose faith. You often give up, without properly trying. La La Land shows that it is important to keep dreaming and to support other people and their dreams, just like your own. It highlights that it takes a lot f courage to believe and to finally achieve the things you dream of, but that with a little help, it is possible.

learning to calm down

lately I have been feeling stressed out a lot and had to figure out some simple things to calm down a little and since I know that I am far from alone with this, since there’s always work to do, exams to study for, money to earn, but mostly just a lot of pressure coming from peoples surroundings, I thought I’d share some of things that have been helping me get along, for you to try out eventually…

One, taking a hot bath. I know, this might sound a bit strange, but it really does wonders for me. Mind that by hot I mean just a little over your usual bathing temperature. One where it takes you a little longer to get fully into the water, you know what I mean? It makes me calmer than anything. I feel relaxed after getting out of the tub and it works even better if you take a little nap afterwards (but only about max. twenty minutes or you will feel really tired when waking up after napping for longer, promise, i know what I’m talking about).

Two, slow classical music. I didn’t used to be into classical music at all until a few weeks back, but around that time, I had to start writing really long essays for my major literature class at home within just a few days under the week and so I had to come up with an idea how to get through that and discovered classical music. It’s lyric-less character didn’t distract me from the words I had to write and at the same time calmed me, because silence really killed me while writing them.

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Three, good nights sleep. I’m a really easily-distracted sleeper when I am stressed, so what I discovered for me this past week feels like a wonder. No matter what temperature my room has, when I sleep, I am hot, which causes me to sleep pretty badly, waking up tired and exhausted. So I just put a mattress with some pillows and sheets directly by the window, opened it a little and went to sleep. I woke up feeling better than I had in ages, not at all hot and sweaty, and now it’s most likely I’m never going to sleep in my real bed ever again, huh, but whatever. I guess that’s a different story.


Four, reading a few pages of a classic before going to sleep. Yes, there isn’t anything that sounds more boring that that in our century, but just try it out. It’s calm and mostly descriptive writing style will soothe you and calm you down, when at the same time getting your thoughts away from everything that is personally bothering you, like emptying your mind to prevent the Dark Lord from entering it (Potter thing that just had go in here, I’m sorry).


Five, shut off phone at least half two hours a day for a break. With my social media (Bookstagram and Blogging) activity my phone can have a really distracting and most days even stressing effect on me. So it just helps me a lot to turn it off completely for a while each day, to either take some time to relax or to study more concentrated, without getting distracted by incoming messages. Some days it is enough for me to just put it into another room and walk away, so you don’t necessarily have to turn it off, if you don’t want to, the point is to not have it with you for a while a day.

I am hoping some of these can help you the way they help me. Don’t ever fail to message me if you want to talk. I have an open ear for all of you and I promise, I will answer. It might just take me a little time, but I will, and always remember- keep your head up. You’re getting through today and tomorrow and this week and this month and next month and the following one. You do. You can and you will, even if you might not think so right now. Take it day by day, in small bits. You are strong, I know it, and that’s why you can get through whatever you are struggling with. And even if today was exceptionally hard, or this week, or month. Don’t give up on yourself. Not today, not tomorrow and not ever. You deserve better. You deserve to be believed in. Especially by yourself. It will take time, surely, but you can learn, and before everything else, start learning that one thing. Start learning to believe in yourself.

yours, anna xx

The Blueberry Muffin

Welcome to this brand new row of blogs. I have always loved baking, since it soothes me, but I’m not that much of  a talent. Anyways, my creations do come out enjoyable and in ‘anna’s simplicity bakery’ I am going to share some of my favorites, that I’ve already been showing off around my social medias. They are all really simple to make and I hope you will end up liking them as much as I do. Here comes the first receipt… The Blueberry Muffin.

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Ingredients (modifiable):

150ml cup                          of plain Greek yogurt

250ml                                  of plain milk

150ml                                  of olive oil

500ml cup                          of all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons                       of baking powder

250ml cup                         of sugar

some                                   grated vanilla

one                                      large egg

one cup                             of blueberries



Preheat the oven to 425F.

Then add together all the ‘wet’ ingredients, meaning yogurt, milk, olive-oil and the egg.

After that, add the dry ones one by one. First the flour, then baking powder, sugar and vanilla.

For the dough, add the blueberries at last, folding them in carefully.

Now grab a muffin tray and lay it out with muffin forms, add in the batter until almost full.

Bake for five minutes at 425F and then go down with the heat to 375F and leave in the oven for another 20 minutes.

Take them out & leave it in the tray for some more minutes to cool a bit, then get ’em out and enjoy them while they’re still warm.

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Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

…and there you have them already. Beautiful and easily made little muffins that usually come in twelve when I make them and can be eaten over several days without getting bad, or just as well eating ’em all just freshly out of the oven. Made another tray just this morning and can’t wait to get back to them tomorrow morning for breakfast (they are an ideal breakfast too, by the way). Hope you enjoyed this first receipt in a row of more coming in the future. Make sure to tell me if you try this out, spam me with shots of them over on my other social medias and talk to me about your new ideas for this little receipt of mine. I’m pumped for your opinions.

yours, anna xx